To Respect Each Other's Agency

Dear church family,

I remember the first time I heard someone use the word "agency" in reference to an individual's will. I was in my first year of seminary at the University of Chicago and I was in the school's counseling office trying to understand why my language professor sounded to me like the teacher on Charlie Brown. The counselor said that I had lost my sense of agency. I had no clue what she was talking about. So, I left and looked up the meaning of the word. 

An individual's agency is their sense of control over what happens to them.  It is what the new driver celebrates when first given his driver's license and keys to a car.  It is what is mourned when a person moves into assisted living because of circumstances instead of her own personal decision.

Another word for agency, is "will."  When God created us humans, God gave us human will.  God gave us the freedom to choose to follow or not follow God. That is the significance of that fateful, forbidden tree in the middle of the garden of Eden. It was placed there to give us a choice, an opportunity to exert our will or agency regarding faith. Would we trust God or not?

One way that the pastoral call has shaped me is the slow realization that one needs to respect the agency of others.  Too often, some of us humans exert our own agency in ways that limit or condemn the agency of others, because we believe we know what's best for them.  We know the better way to load the dishwasher.  We know the better way to manage money. We want to intervene and save a person from doing things in ways that we know are not best. 

And yet, one of the beautiful things about church community is that we work together and we choose to submit to each other's ideas, we choose to be patient and allow God's timing for growth in each other's lives, and we are there for each other when one of us cries, "help!"

But, I wonder if we also need to be there for each other in reminding each other of these same things. Perhaps we need to occasionally say, “Let's try it his way this time...”    “Let's slow down and give her time to make the decision for herself...” “Let's not judge, but instead ask questions...” “Let's fail together and then pick each other up...”

I want you to know that if you feel a loss of agency, it is okay to say so. And I want you to know that if you feel you are limiting someone else's agency, it is okay to slow down for a while and take a moment to reflect on the various perspectives and your approach.  I invite you to trust God with these specific circumstances and relationships. God knows what is right and good; God knows our personalities; and we can trust God to help in the ways that are best. 

Sincerely,

Pastor Stasia